Men... take Notice !

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. +
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. -

You don't get any points for doing something she expects !

Sorry, that's the way the game is played !

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Here is a guide to the point system.

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Simple Duties:

You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car (+1)

There are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest

gas station(-1)

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You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb. (+1)

You take out the recyclables at 4:30 pm, just as the truck pulls away. (-1)

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You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish.. (+1)

You leave them under the bed.. (-5)

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You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5)

But return with beer. (-5)

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You leave the toilet seat up.. (-1)

You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.. ( 0 )

When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1)

When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.. (-2)

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You make the bed.. (+1)

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.. ( 0 )

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.. (-1)

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You check out a suspicious noise at night. ( 0 )

You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.. ( 0 )

You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)

You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)

It's her father (-10)

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Social Engagements :

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college

drinking buddy (-2)

Named Tiffany (-4)

Tiffany is a dancer (-6)

Tiffany has implants (-8)

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Her Birthday You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night,

and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

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A night out with the boys :

Go out with a pal (-5)

And the pal is happily married (-4)

Or frighteningly single (-7)

And he drives a Mustang (-10)

With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)

You have a few beers. (-20)

And miss curfew by an hour. (-25)

You get home at 3 am. (-30)

You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars.. (-50)

And not wearing any pants.. (-100)

Is that a tattoo???..(-200)

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Bodily Functions :

You refrain from farting for an entire 4 hour car ride (+5)

You fart once and excuse yourself, then roll down a window (+1)

You fart a few times, each time excusing yourself and rolling down a window (0)

You fart explosively and repeatedly,

each time activating the childproof lock on her window,

creating a virtual "dutch oven on wheels" and laugh maniacally. (-20)

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A Night Out :

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called DeathCop3 (-3)

Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

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Your Physique :

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans

and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)

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The Big Question :

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)

(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

You reply "Just more to love, honey". (-50)

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Communication:

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,

displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)

She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)

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more :
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly. (+1)

When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump.. (-5) When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you". (+1)

When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" (-6)

That woman is her sister (-90)

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A night out :

You take her dancing (+5)

You have one drink, and that's it ( 0 )

You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle (-2)

You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted. (-18)

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Things Of A Disgusting Nature :

You unclog a stopped-up toilet (+6)

You clean up cat, dog or human vomit (+7)

You get rid of a dead rodent.. +8

You remove the collie from the thresher (+12)

You take her mother to see Cats.. (+16)

You leave her at the auditorium...(-500)

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Saturday Afternoon:

You go to the mall together (+3)

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.. (+4)

You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it (+3)

You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar.. ( -2)

You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.. (0)

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You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk. (+3)

Most of it chips and beer.. (-6)

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You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den. (+15)

Or refinishing the floors.. (+16)

Or rewiring the basement. (+17)

Or adding a second floor (+18)

Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket (-6)

And you're tickled pink about it. (-15)

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You visit her parents (+1)

You visit her parents and actually make conversation.. (+3)

You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television.. (-3)

and the television is off.. (-6)

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You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear. (-6)

And you didn't even go to college (-10)

And it's not your underwear (-15)

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You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player (+3)

You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing (+4)

And you stink.. (+2)

And you're not half bad. (+5)

You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause. (-2)

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Gifts:

You give her a gift.. ( 0 )

You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance. (-10)

You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance (+1)

You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.. (+2)

You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months. (+30)

You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day.. (-10)

With her credit card. (-30)

And whatever you bought is two sizes too big. (-40)

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Thoughtfulness :

You forget her birthday completely.. (-10)

You forget your anniversary (-20)

You forget to pick her up at the bus station. (-25)

Which is in Newark, New Jersey (-35)

And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.. (-50)

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Her Night Out:

You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work friends. (+5)

She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late. (+10)

You wait up. +15

She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed (+20)

She comes home late and drunk, and you gently put her to bed, but not before she pukes in the bathroom. (+25)

Which you clean up (+35)

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A Night At Home:

You watch TV together (0)

You rent a movie.. (+1)

You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY (+3)

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout (+5)

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep. (-1)

It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool (-2)

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Flowers:

You buy her flowers only when it's expected.. (0)

You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it.. (+5)

You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself. (+10)

And she contracts Lyme disease (-25)

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Grooming:

You trim your nails.. (+5)

You trim your nails in the living room. (-10)

You trim your nails and flick them at the cat (-15)

You shave on the weekends.. (+2)

You don't shave on the weekends.. (-4)

You don't bathe on the weekends either. (-8)

But then, neither does she. (+8)

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Finances:

You spend a lot of money on something impractical.. (-5)

Something she can't use. (-10)

Such as a motorized model airplane.. (-20)

And your kid needs braces.. (-30)

fact, all four of the kids need braces.(-120)

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Driving:

You lose the directions on a trip (-4)

You lose the direction and end up getting lost.. (-10)

You end up getting lost in a bad part of town (-15)

You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.. (-25)

She finds out you lied about having a black belt (-60)

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A positive score by the end of the week may result in you grtting some nookie !

A negative score and you're flying solo pal ! Good Luck !