In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. +
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. -
You don't get any points for doing something she expects !
Sorry, that's the way the game is played !
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Here is a guide to the point system.
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Simple Duties:
You make sure there's plenty of gas in the car (+1)
There are barely enough fumes in the car to make it to the nearest
gas station(-1)
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You take out the recyclables and stack them neatly by the curb. (+1)
You take out the recyclables at 4:30 pm, just as the truck pulls away. (-1)
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You load the dishwasher whenever you dirty a dish.. (+1)
You leave them under the bed.. (-5)
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You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5)
But return with beer. (-5)
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You leave the toilet seat up.. (-1)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.. ( 0 )
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out, you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.. (-2)
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You make the bed.. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.. ( 0 )
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.. (-1)
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You check out a suspicious noise at night. ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing.. ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)
It's her father (-10)
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Social Engagements :
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy (-2)
Named Tiffany (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer (-6)
Tiffany has implants (-8)
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Her Birthday You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night,
and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
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A night out with the boys :
Go out with a pal (-5)
And the pal is happily married (-4)
Or frighteningly single (-7)
And he drives a Mustang (-10)
With a personalized license plate "GR8 N BED" (-15)
You have a few beers. (-20)
And miss curfew by an hour. (-25)
You get home at 3 am. (-30)
You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars.. (-50)
And not wearing any pants.. (-100)
Is that a tattoo???..(-200)
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Bodily Functions :
You refrain from farting for an entire 4 hour car ride (+5)
You fart once and excuse yourself, then roll down a window (+1)
You fart a few times, each time excusing yourself and rolling down a window (0)
You fart explosively and repeatedly,
each time activating the childproof lock on her window,
creating a virtual "dutch oven on wheels" and laugh maniacally. (-20)
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A Night Out :
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (anything with Barbara Streisand) (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called DeathCop3 (-3)
Which features cyborgs having sex (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
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Your Physique :
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too" (-800)
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The Big Question :
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You reply "Just more to love, honey". (-50)
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Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep (-20)
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more :
When mingling, you hold your mate's hand and gaze at her lovingly. (+1)
When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump.. (-5) When your mate points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you". (+1)
When your mate points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive, you say, "Yeah, but don't worry, she's lousy in bed" (-6)
That woman is her sister (-90)
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A night out :
You take her dancing (+5)
You have one drink, and that's it ( 0 )
You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle (-2)
You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted. (-18)
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Things Of A Disgusting Nature :
You unclog a stopped-up toilet (+6)
You clean up cat, dog or human vomit (+7)
You get rid of a dead rodent.. +8
You remove the collie from the thresher (+12)
You take her mother to see Cats.. (+16)
You leave her at the auditorium...(-500)
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Saturday Afternoon:
You go to the mall together (+3)
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.. (+4)
You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it (+3)
You go to the mall, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar.. ( -2)
You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sectional.. (0)
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You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk. (+3)
Most of it chips and beer.. (-6)
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You tackle a large household project, such as painting the den. (+15)
Or refinishing the floors.. (+16)
Or rewiring the basement. (+17)
Or adding a second floor (+18)
Or setting up a Nerf Ball hoop over the bathroom wastebasket (-6)
And you're tickled pink about it. (-15)
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You visit her parents (+1)
You visit her parents and actually make conversation.. (+3)
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television.. (-3)
and the television is off.. (-6)
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You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear. (-6)
And you didn't even go to college (-10)
And it's not your underwear (-15)
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You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player (+3)
You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing (+4)
And you stink.. (+2)
And you're not half bad. (+5)
You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause. (-2)
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Gifts:
You give her a gift.. ( 0 )
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance. (-10)
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance (+1)
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate.. (+2)
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months. (+30)
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day.. (-10)
With her credit card. (-30)
And whatever you bought is two sizes too big. (-40)
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Thoughtfulness :
You forget her birthday completely.. (-10)
You forget your anniversary (-20)
You forget to pick her up at the bus station. (-25)
Which is in Newark, New Jersey (-35)
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast.. (-50)
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Her Night Out:
You watch the kids while she goes out with her annoying work friends. (+5)
She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late. (+10)
You wait up. +15
She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed (+20)
She comes home late and drunk, and you gently put her to bed, but not before she pukes in the bathroom. (+25)
Which you clean up (+35)
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A Night At Home:
You watch TV together (0)
You rent a movie.. (+1)
You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY (+3)
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout (+5)
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep. (-1)
It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool (-2)
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Flowers:
You buy her flowers only when it's expected.. (0)
You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it.. (+5)
You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself. (+10)
And she contracts Lyme disease (-25)
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Grooming:
You trim your nails.. (+5)
You trim your nails in the living room. (-10)
You trim your nails and flick them at the cat (-15)
You shave on the weekends.. (+2)
You don't shave on the weekends.. (-4)
You don't bathe on the weekends either. (-8)
But then, neither does she. (+8)
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Finances:
You spend a lot of money on something impractical.. (-5)
Something she can't use. (-10)
Such as a motorized model airplane.. (-20)
And your kid needs braces.. (-30)
fact, all four of the kids need braces.(-120)
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Driving:
You lose the directions on a trip (-4)
You lose the direction and end up getting lost.. (-10)
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town (-15)
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal.. (-25)
She finds out you lied about having a black belt (-60)
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A positive score by the end of the week may result in you grtting some nookie !
A negative score and you're flying solo pal ! Good Luck !
Raffe Torres scored the game winner in o.t.
Mikhnov scored a beauty !
Georges Laraque got the winner !
Losing was no big deal to me, what bothered me is seeing ex-Oiler Mike Comrie fighting our rookie Patrick Thoresen..." the little sissy is wearing his helmet with a visor !" That is very un-cool, it's no wonder so many Edmontonians dislike this little butt-head !
Joffrey Lupul and the Oilers hope to continue on last nights success, in Phoenix tonite ! They wrap up the pre-season Saturday against the 'nucks !
(AP PHOTO/CP, John Ulan)
Wed. Sep. 27th 7:00 p.m. mst @ Edmonton
Here we go !
ding ding ding !
Horcoff scores game winner
Stortini and Godard play "catch my fist"
Battle of Alberta
Deslauriers
Bertuzzi vrs Markkanen
"The Whopper !"- he reeled it in all the way "by himself", so no confusion !
"Proud Papa"
